he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
