Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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