I hate your face
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
