The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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