He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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