I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
did i just pee glitter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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