How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
