Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
