why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
