woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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