i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
