he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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