I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
