final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im six kinds of drunk right now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
