i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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