I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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