you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
