Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
