I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
