so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
