Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
