I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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