Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
