so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
