I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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