Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
