Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
