Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
