you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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