bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
