will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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