My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
