i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
