I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
