I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
