JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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