Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
