I smell stomach acid.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
