Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
