hotel room ftw
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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