That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
