How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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