If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
