Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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