just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
