Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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