I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
