i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
