I cockslap morals
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
