how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
