I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
