so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
