Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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