btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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