What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
